What is this that I am feeling? I feel bored and exhausted. I feel like I'm tired of this routine relationship. Everyday is the same. I don't see any improvement... whatsoever.

I don't know!!! I know that I love him but I think I am not happy anymore. I don't see any assurance of where this relationship would go. I know I am just taking one day at a time coz I don't want to cause anything that would ruin even our friendship. He's been my bestfriend even before we really got involved with each other, and it's gonna be painful for me to see him messing up his life when I decide to leave.

Am I so bad? Or am I just looking for something new, searching for something that would make me happier? I ADMIT THAT I AM NOT HAPPY ANYMORE with where my life is heading. I am not so sure if I he's still the one that I am going to pray for. I want to believe that I still love him. But what should I do? Am I just fooling myself?

How am going to tell him about this? I already gave him an ultimatum but it seems that he's taking this for granted. He might be so secure that I am the same girl who would stick with him no matter what.

I know that I deserve something better. I am looking for that offer that will change my name and my life. Hahahahaha...

Well, maybe it isn't meeh... But he said that I am the one... but how am I supposed to believe that?! I don't see what he's telling me. HOPE!!! Maybe, that's what I need. Hope that he would change. Hope that I would accept that this stage will pass. Hope that one day he would ask me the words that I've been wanting to hear from him... for 4 years.

But if he's not the one... I pray that GOD would prepare me for something painful like this. I cannot keep him, I know. And he cannot keep me, either. I just pray that He would give me the strength that I need to overcome this. I am not perfect, I am weak... so weak that I almost depend on him. But I want to believe that I am strong, that can live without him.